Here am I with my thoughts

I'm cold, tired and done. Oh also confused. Well maybe I should'nt be. I'm just feeling a bit out of it right now and undirectional. If that makes any sense to anybody. Also a bit overwhelmed right now. Oh well I know I'll get over it. Any suggestions would be great!!!

I'm tired and don't know what to do.  My faith seems to be failing me, and I often wonder where is God.  I will never quit believing for what else do I have.  Nothing!

However I just can't help but wonder is He there and does He care.  I know deep within He does care, but why oh why do I feel like I've been deserted.   Maybe it's because I've desereted Him or maybe I just got placid.  I do not know.

The only thing I know right now is I'm feeling a bit lost and confused and just a little bit lonely.       I'm just trying to figure the whole thing out (what ever that may be)

What am I suppose to be doing, what is my direction, what is my life's purpose.   I do not know right now and that frustrates me.   I'm sure God will let me know.   In the meantime: oh I don't even know.

I have bills that need paid, obilgations to me meant and so on and so on.   OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Life can be so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Well all I can do now is just keep plugging along and do my best and try to figure out what it is that I'm suppose to do with my life.   Pray to God everyday and wait for the answer.

I know sometimes He gives an answer thru other people so if you have a comment or suggestion that would be awsome.

Thanks for reading.
Julia

Just some thoughts

Well right now I'm just trying to understand my siblings here.   I hear different things from different people (siplings).  They say that they would tell the other what they have told me, but I don't think they do.  The reason for that is because of other things I hear from them.

Ok then this is confusing as all heck.   I have to come to my own conclusions.   I have somewhat of a conclusion as to how they think of each other and it seems to me that they don't really like each other.   I'm sure it's for reasons of their own.

I have also realize that each of them thinks the other is self centered.   Aren't we all just a little bit.  Or at least we have got to look out for ourselves and rely on God to take care of us.

With all that being said, look to God and rely on Him and forget about the rest.   Just remember this: "Your siblings love you they just really don't know and they are trying to learn."   This goes for friends also.

Well I'm just going to end this for now and write more at a later time, my brain is not working properly right now.



Thanks for visiting.

Life goes on.

June 22

To Dad

Hello again folks,

Obviously I'm in the mood for writing today.   Well this is something that I wrote over 10 yrs ago when my daddy died.  Unfortunately I couldn't find the final version, I know it's here somewhere.  With that being said I hope you enjoy the poem that I wrote.     Well here we go, and as always comment are greatly appreciated.

 My Poem for Daddy,    (Life goes on)

 Sitting here feeling the cold autumn wind blow through my hair. it sends a chill down my spine as I look over the lake and listen to the quiet around me.  The setting sun, intense rays, reflect boldly off the water’s surface.  It is blinding but the warmth is soothing.

 The lake is full of Mallards and an occasional seagull flies by.  I sit quietly and listen as I gaze upon the trees that surround the lake with their brilliant colors of autumn.   Scarlett, burning orange, glowing yellow, while shades of amber, copper & pale orange peek through.  The dark forest green of the fir trees give a soft touch to the brilliance that surrounds them.

 I gaze at the beauty that surrounds me with all its brilliance and know that in just a short while it will all be gone.  Soon the trees will be bare and the gray appearance of death will take over except for the few evergreens that stand by and weep for their loss.

 I sit and listen; I can hear the trees weep.  They thought the others would always be with them, but the time had come for the older trees to depart.

 The evergreens watched in wonder as the others started to change from their luscious green to the brilliant colors of yellow, red, orange, shades of amber, gold and a hint of gray.  Never knowing what it meant, nor understanding, for they were always green.  This was new to them.

 Then another change began to take place, this change frightened the evergreens for among their own kind when the leaves turned brown and started to tall it meant certain death.  Death and sorrow now surrounded them.  This was something that few had ever seen.  They were at a loss as to what to do, how could they help, how could they stop it.  There was nothing that could be done and they bowed their heads in sorrow.

 All the trees were now bare and the color of grey ash, they had gone to sleep for the winter.  The evergreens did not know and they wept.  They wept tears of sorrow and of joy.  Sad they lost their fellow trees and for the love of the new ones. And that they were no longer suffering the pains of winter.  For they realized that in dying there is new life: a life full of wonder and great expectations.  Life just waiting to be lived and enjoyed no matter what happens.  ©

 Enjoy your day and live life to the fullest as we all should or at least strive to.

Whose your hero.

 I just wanted to share this with you.  It's something I wrote awhile ago regarding my Mom.

 My hero is my mother; she has always been an inspiration to me. She was the one person in the neighborhood that was willing to give the shirt off her back to help someone. She never turned anyone away that was in need. She was always there for whoever needed her. I wish I was more like her!

 I remember one time our house caught on fire (I was very young at the time).  How scary is that!  Well to make a long story short, the fire was put out and we were not displaced.   However none of our neighbors came to help.  It was a cold wintry night and we (my sisters and brothers)  were sitting in a car with no heat and blankets wrapped around us.   I could see the neighbors peaking out their windows wanting to know what was going on.   Did any of them help or bring us in out of the cold???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     NO they did not!!!!!!!   

 Imagine that!.

 The one that would've helped could not as her house was also in danger of exploding for it was a gas leak and her house was up close to ours, she did however make sure we (the kids) had enough blankets to keep us warm.  I noticed that she glanced up at the neighbors peering out their windows in discuss.

 Moving forward

 Well, just a block over from us there was another fire!!!!!!     HHHHMMMMM!   Do ya think anyone went over??????????

WELL GUESS what!! My MOM did!!!!  She walked down to see what she could do to help.    She offered coffee, hot chocolate, tea, to the firefighters (who said weren't we just at your place?) and offered a place to stay for the folks whose place was on fire.

Yes the firefighters were just at our place and yes they were amazed that my mother was there to help, because no one, absolutely no one was there to help mom or her family.

 Regardless of that my mother was there to give assistance anyway she could, no matter what.  She didn't care that no one came to help her and her family, she didn't hold a grudge nor did she judge. 

  Mom always did what was right, honest, truthful and everything else good.  No questions asked, she did what needed to be done and was always there if anyone, I REPEAT anyone needed her.  It didn't matter to her if they were friend or foe, if you needed help, she was always there!!!!!!!!!!!

I really don't know how she did it, but she did.  She was always there for family, friends and foes.

IMAGINE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I want to be that person, who has no discriminations, what so ever! And loves no matter what!

 I love you MOM!!!!!!!!!!!     You are the sunshine, rainbow and strength of my life.   Thank you for everything

 I hope you enjoyed reading this true life event. ©   All items posted are copy write so you may not use them without permission.

Imagine That

July 28

Imagine that

Well imagine that I have a lot to tell tonight, I'm just not sure which story I should tell first.   Hmm imagine that as my youngest bother would say.  Well with that being said I guess I'll start with that. 

 My brother and I had a long conversation about family and what that means to us.  We are 14 yrs apart but we have found over the yrs that we do have very much in common.  And we also have found that some of our siblings are: well what do I say here: not so forgiving, no willing to let go, or just snobbish and think they are better than the rest of us.

 HMMMM!!!!!   Imagine that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Just so you know I come from a family of six children.  Well trying not to go into a long history some of us made it some did not the some that did are starting over, the ones that were looked up to are no longer and the ones frowned upon are not no longer: but then again: who knows????

 Oh well what we discovered in this conversation together was that you cannot ever, ever hold a grudge! It will tear you apart: I know that from personal experience, from many years ago.  I will not go into that but I will let you know if you are holding a grudge against anyone you are only hurting yourself not the person you're holding the grudge against for they do not know nor do they care!!!

 This is important: the reason I say this is that I've been there and have done that.   They do not know so they do not care, I found this out by meeting the person that I had a grudge against several years after the fact, (of the thing that caused me to have a grudges against this person) that’s when I realized she didn't have a clue that I really didn't like her or that I had a grudge against her.

 I found at that time when I saw her after so many years, that she didn't have a clue as to how I felt and she was happy to see me.  I came to realize that the wrong that she had done me (or so I thought) was not that big a deal.   Yes, maybe at the time it was a big deal, however at the time I really didn't look at her side of the story.

 Well all I have to say right now is that we need to learn to forgive people their short comings, and we need to learn how to love one another, NO MATTER WHAT!   

 I know this is hard, I know it's difficult, I also know it seems impossible:  I know I've   been there, it is hard, difficult, and almost impossible: I also know it can be done.

 Don't ever, ever give up you can do it, you can forgive, you can move on, you can have a relationship with that sibling that you never thought was possible.   It can happen.

 I just found a new relationship with my youngest brother (14 yrs apart we are) who I never thought I'd ever, ever, ever, get to know!   IMAGINE THAT!!!!!    We have found common ground and we're getting to know each other.  WHAT A WONDERFUL THING!!!!!

 So don't ever, ever, ever give up on what you think is impossible, because it is not impossible, nothing is impossible!!!!  It's just the beginning of a new day and new possibilities!!!  DON'T EVER, EVER forget that.

 Till next time, love, peace, joy and all happiness to everyone that reads this.

There is light at the end of the rainbow.

 Thanks for stopping by and thanks for reading

Till next time, enjoy life and all it has to give

Crucifixion Of Jesus

Crucifixion Of Jesus

That will never happen to me.

We all think, "Oh that will never happen to me."  We go about our daily lives working at our job, hanging out with family and friends, daily chores.  You know the routine.  Then it happens you loose your job, no or very little income,  your life is turned upside down.  You can no longer pay your rent or mortgage, fall behind on your utlility bills, and other bills, food pantry is almost empty.   Starting to wonder where your next meal is coming from, are you going to lose your home.

I'm one of those that thought it would never happen to me.  I had a nice secure job, that I retired from, then went to work for another company, lost that job and the part-time job I found lost that one also.  Funds ran out didn't qualify for un-employment and couldn't find work.  I fell behind on my rent not to mention everything else I owe money to.   I resorted to selling stuff I owned at a much lower price than I wanted to just to get food for at least one meal a day.

Never ever thought in my life that I would be in a position where I would have to asked for help.  Wasn't able to get financial ad from anyone and the agencies I called either never returned my calls or said they couldn't help.   There are so many people out there in the same situation that I'm in.

I was evicted from my apartment,  fortunately my sister was able to take me and and assist me with a storage unit so that I wouldn't loose everything.  Yes I did have to get rid of a lot of stuff because there wasn't room for it all, but that doesn't matter, I could be out on the streets. 

It is very unsetteling to lose, your home and other things, it also hurts.  I had to put my cat up for adoption at a no kill shelter, that also was painful, I didn't want to abandond her by just leaving and not finding her a warm place to stay.

As hard as it was to loose my home and many possesion, I've decided not to be bitter about it.  It's a new beginning a new chapter in my life.   It's not the first time I've had to start over, life is full of beginnings.   One door closes and another will open.

The way I figure it, God has a better plan for me than I had for myself.  Since I'm with my sister, (just got here last night) and a totally new area that I'm not familiar with, it's all a new experience for me and a new beginning.   I'm figuring that I needed to move out of the area I was in and someplace completeing different to get that new start that I've been looking for.  I would have prefered some other way for that to happen, but obviously if it was up to me, that move would never happen.

I'm looking forward to my new life and I'm sure within a few weeks I will have my own place again.  God works in our lifes in ways we never expect.  I think he brings certain things in our lifes so that we learn to trust in Him  and Him alone.   We can be so stubborn that sometimes it takes loosing our home or something for Him to get our attention.    Isn't it amazing that it takes a tragidy sometimes for us to give any thought to God.   Hmm Imagine that.

Thanks for stopping by.