Letter to a friend

so what's up?  You haven't been here (facebook) for awhile. do you still hate me.  Sorry for being so cruel, but that's just what I was going through at the time.  You know I love you, and I thought we were friends.  I really thought that we could go off on each other once in awhile with the understanding that it was ok and we would talk about what was said.   Guess you didn't see it that way.  I was really hoping that you would talk to me and ask me why I said the things I said, but you didn't.

I was really disappointed that you didn't challenge what I said to you so few months ago.  Really disappointed that you didn't come back to me regarding anything I said to you.  My goodness friend (or so I thought) we always went back and forth with our opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc.  We have always worked them out.  WHY NOT THIS TIME???????
Were you that much offended that you couldn't contact me and tell me off???????   Did I hurt you that much, that you couldn't let me know.  I sure as hell would've let you know, well as of a matter of fact I did let you know how much you hurt me.

I Just want to know; why haven't you called or emailed me to bless me out, yell at me or whatever.  I know I said some harse things to you, I know I was gruell: however that is no reason not to respond.  I do apologize for being so cruell and unforgiving at the time however you have got to realize what I was going through at the time.

Not having an income, being evicted, moving in with my sister then moving to another state to give my mother full time care, now looking for employment, etc.

Unless or untill you've been through what I went through you will never know the emotions.
I ask for your forgiveness in what I said to you and you know I was harsh, however you need to understand I was hurting and I was hurting beyond what I knew hurting was.   I have never ever known such pain as to watch my mother die and give up her last breath.

She died at home with her children around her and her older sister who happens to be the only one left of her siblings.
I hurt and I'm confused as to why you no longer want to keep in touch with me.  You for some reason haven't wanted to keep in touch with me since before I left the burgh and I don't know why.

I understand that you are in a relationship, I have never had a problem with that, however you still could've called me back occasionally!  But you chose not to!   Why I do not know!

I'm hoping that you forgive me for anything that I've done wrong to you as I forgive you.  Just remember this if you forgive so will you be forgivin,  if you don't then you won't.

I love and miss you and hope our friendship can be renewed.






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Thoughts for tonight

Well I was just wondering:  If you live alone and died tonight how long would it be till someone found you dead.   I'm just guessing here but it may be 1-7 days for someone to check on me and find my body, or it maybe longer.  I really don't know.

The fact of the matter is, I moved to FL to take care of my mother on a full time basis, which I was very much glad to do.  I really enjoyed my time with her and I miss her greatly.   I'm living in her house and trying to make it my own and I am doing pretty at the progress of this, however it will take time, but sitting here tonight the thought above came into mind.  For what reason I do not know.   However my question is to all of you that live alone;  "If you died tonight how long would it be till someone found out about it."   Like I said above it might be 1-7 days, if I was still in the burgh it might be longer, I really don't know.

I'm not a person that keeps in touch with anyone, why I don't know.  I try to occasionally keep in touch with family.  I called my Mom at least once a month, sometimes more, but now she's gone, so I cannot call her anymore.   My siblings, well maybe once a year or so.  Too bad for me.  

The one I was most in touch with was the one that called me the most because she always wanted to keep in touch.    I must say I have called my siblings however sometimes it has been to no avail, other times not.   Oh well that's neither here nor there.

It is now and I need to learn how to keep in touch.    How about you???  Do you need to keep in touch or get reacquainted with family members???

I have always kept in touch with my son and my mother.  I have occassionally tried to contact my siblings (I have 5 siblings) however since we don't live in the state (or didn't at the time and their phone # changed frequently it was difficult) I couldn't always keep in touch.

I must say always keeping in contact with Mom I knew what was going on with my siblings and their kids.  That was a blessing to me.    Now I'm wondering, alot of wondering going on here.

Mom is gone so I can no longer get updates and I wonder did everyone else get updates from her?!    Who wll take her place to give updates: and did they only listen because it was her that gave them, did they care, did they pray.    I don't know.

One thing I do know is that someone has to keep up with everyone, however also I do know that what ever is said to anyone cannot be repeated to anyone else in the family, for they are relying on the person they told it to, they said it in confindence.

However it is my feeling if it's told in confidence and it's a problem: prayer is needed so it can be shared without exposing the person or the problem because God knows.

Well as I said isn't it sad that no one know???  Does any one care.    Just thoughts for tonight!!!!