Saturday, December 31, 2011

What ever!?

It really amazes me that people take what you say the wrong way.

I posted something on Facebook a comment to a friend of mine (very dear friend) and one of his friends took it so much the wrong way.  Unbelievable!!!  That person thinks just because he knew my friend longer than I he knew him better.  He also thought for some reason or another I was making a big thing out of nothing.

How far from the truth was he I can not even imagine.  All I said was life passes us by quicker than we realize and that person took it totally out of context.    Sad for him.   Life goes by so fast we don't even realize it.

I would like to think that I am still  in my late 20's or early 30's but the fact of the matter is,  I am not, I'm in my late 50's.        HOW did that happen I wonder, how did I get to have such a large number in my age when I still feel like I should at least be in my 30's.

So:  I'm wanting to start  life over again, go with gusto and all that.   And I wonder how did my number get to be bigger than I thought it should be.  I'm thinking I'm a whole lot younger than what I am.

I have a son in his late 30's as people would say and I feel like I'm still in my 30's!!!

IMAGINE THAT!!!!!!!!!    Oh well folks imagine that.

Comments always welcome and followers would be great.  
Happy New Year and may it be prosperous!!!!

Letter to a friend

so what's up?  You haven't been here (facebook) for awhile. do you still hate me.  Sorry for being so cruel, but that's just what I was going through at the time.  You know I love you, and I thought we were friends.  I really thought that we could go off on each other once in awhile with the understanding that it was ok and we would talk about what was said.   Guess you didn't see it that way.  I was really hoping that you would talk to me and ask me why I said the things I said, but you didn't.

I was really disappointed that you didn't challenge what I said to you so few months ago.  Really disappointed that you didn't come back to me regarding anything I said to you.  My goodness friend (or so I thought) we always went back and forth with our opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc.  We have always worked them out.  WHY NOT THIS TIME???????
Were you that much offended that you couldn't contact me and tell me off???????   Did I hurt you that much, that you couldn't let me know.  I sure as hell would've let you know, well as of a matter of fact I did let you know how much you hurt me.

I Just want to know; why haven't you called or emailed me to bless me out, yell at me or whatever.  I know I said some harse things to you, I know I was gruell: however that is no reason not to respond.  I do apologize for being so cruell and unforgiving at the time however you have got to realize what I was going through at the time.

Not having an income, being evicted, moving in with my sister then moving to another state to give my mother full time care, now looking for employment, etc.

Unless or untill you've been through what I went through you will never know the emotions.
I ask for your forgiveness in what I said to you and you know I was harsh, however you need to understand I was hurting and I was hurting beyond what I knew hurting was.   I have never ever known such pain as to watch my mother die and give up her last breath.

She died at home with her children around her and her older sister who happens to be the only one left of her siblings.
I hurt and I'm confused as to why you no longer want to keep in touch with me.  You for some reason haven't wanted to keep in touch with me since before I left the burgh and I don't know why.

I understand that you are in a relationship, I have never had a problem with that, however you still could've called me back occasionally!  But you chose not to!   Why I do not know!

I'm hoping that you forgive me for anything that I've done wrong to you as I forgive you.  Just remember this if you forgive so will you be forgivin,  if you don't then you won't.

I love and miss you and hope our friendship can be renewed.






Make money from almost everything you do on the web. Check it out Here.  Free to join.

http://heavensgrocerystore.blogspot.com/

http://jawsphotoblog.blogspot.com/

Friday, December 30, 2011

Remember Awesome Times

Just remembering some great times here.  So I'm not sure if I'm going to list them or reflect on them.  My only hope is that you remember some great or awesome times in your life. Hope that you will share.

This comes from a post I receive from my niece and remembering the time we spent together at the book store.  We chatted a bit and she was working on an assignment from school and I was checking emails.  She apologized for working on what she needed to to me but I understood.  I told her don't worry about it do what you need to do.  I was just enjoying her company.

She went back to work on her assignment and was concerned about what was going on with  me.  I assured her I was okay, alright, don't worry that we are not talking at this time, do what you need to do:  I'm OK!  When you are done then we will talk, I'm just enjoying being with you and both of us doing what we need to do.

I had a bunch of emails to check out and she had an assignment that was due: so we both worked quietly for awhile.  It was awesome!     After we were done she bought us both another cup of coffee and we sat and chatted for a bit.   We got to know each other a little bit more.   That is an awesome thing.

My niece is such an awesome person.   She befriended me when she didn't have to.  She could have said to her mother my sister: why are you doing this: why are you taking her in what has she done for you: WHAT are you crazy????????

NO!!! SHE did not do any of those or say any of those things, she was loving, forgiving, helpful, and kind.  She was an angel that God sent to me and spent time with me when she didn't wasn't required to.  She took an interest in me and wanted to get to know me just a little bit better.

OH!  What a wonderful time I had with her.  I just hope to get to know her more.

Remember the great and awesome times in you life.  If you think they are not important, just think about it: they are important.  REMEMBER THE SMALL THINGS!!!  They are important, because they are huge!!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

New Year Resolutions.

Do you make them?  New year resolutions?  If so why do you?   Why not make goals instead?

Here's something I wrote in a comment to someone that asked that question.



Well good discussion. I made a New Year Resolution several years ago (about 30yrs or so) not to make any more new year resolutions and I have been able to keep that all these years, because I don't make them any more.

What I try to do is make goals for myself, so far I've been able to follow my goals. 

Resolutions???!!! Yeah, well good luck with that, working on goals, that's a better thing as far as I'm concerned. Even though I haven't meant all of them, I've meant most. Nice thing about goals is that they can be changed. Resolutions: not so much, you either make or you don't.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
 
 

Who are we?

We wonder and wonder who we are.  Do we really know???   I don't know!

57 yrs on this earth and I'm still trying to figure out who and what I'm about.  As much as I would really like to get close to someone, at the same  time I don't want anyone to get close to me.

To open up and be vulnerable is really too scary for me.  I don't think I want anyone to know me that much.  However sometimes I wish there was someone that knew me that much.

How in the world do you get so close to someone like that.   You have to totally trust them with your life, with all you deepest darkest secrets, your dreams, nightmares, hopes, etc.

Who and how can you ever , ever trust with that????????

We all have dark secrets that we want no one to know!!!   If you think you don't think of something you don't want your parents to know, or you spouse, or your kid, how about your friends.

We all have secrets!!!!  PERIOD THE END!!!!!!!!!!!   WE ALL HAVE SECRET!!!! that we don't want someone else to know.  Whether it be one person or many persons, we all have secrets that we keep to ourselves.

One of mine is I don't want anyone to know I've been>>>>>>>>>>not going to finish, however I saved a sister from being???????????????? .

thoughts are welcome and I will not answer about the above, use your imagination, and you might be correct, or not, who know.

Again thoughts are welcomed.

Warm weather.

Well I moved to Fl a few months ago from the burgh (Pgh., PA) and I am so used to cold weather this time of year.  Today it was about 70???   Well that needs to be getting used to, it doesn't even feel like Christmas is on the horizon.   It feel like spring or fall, not sure which.  Guess I forgot it doesn't get cold here like up north.

I lived in St. Augustine, FL several years ago (over 20).  I was there for about 15 yrs., and got used to the southern weather, however I moved back north and got used to the winters per sey and wondered why I moved back.  Well beside the point: loving the warmth and working on finding a job.

Well there you have it folks, my thoughts for the time being.   I may post more later, but that remains to be seen.

Comments are always welcome.  Why not follow me to see what I post next.

Good Day and God Bless!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Looking for Mom

OK Mom,

 I'm waiting for you to come home, however I know you never will because you went to be with our Lord.   However I'm still waiting because it seems like you shouldn't be gone.   When are you going to come home?  That is my question!!!    When am I truly going to realize you are not coming back here.  

I don't want you to be gone, I want you to be here.  I want to take care of you.  You left way, way too soon.
I wanted you to be cured and whole.   I was really, really hoping that you would be cured of your cancer and that  we would be roommates per say.  I would find a job (full time, part tune) and pay you rent.  I was so willing to do that and to take care of you.

However that wasn't to be!  I am so, so, so sad about that!

I wanted to get to know you better, I wanted to learn from you.  Even though I have told you several times that I love you, I wanted to show you that!  I really don't know if I've showed you that or not the short time we had together.      I'm still waiting for you to come home, I miss you so much and wish we had talked more.

Where are you Mom?  Why aren't you here?!  We had such a short, short time together;  I thought it would be longer than a couple of months.   I came here in the month of June and you departed this life in early September.  I was totally not expecting that.   I was really hoping that you would be here a lot longer.

I must say Mom I miss you tremendously and for right now I'm still looking for you to come home, because I'm here on vacation and you needed to go to work and do what you need to do.   So I'm here at your house waiting for you to come home and I'm making dinner for us.   Come home Mom so we can have dinner together.

I love and miss you Mom and I am so happy that you are no longer in pain and that you are with our Lord.
However I'm still waiting for you to come home.   I miss you so very very much.

Love,
Julia

Monday, November 21, 2011

Dog and what not

It really irritatesw me that people cannot control their animals.   If you had only started training them from day one that you got them and let know that you are boss or head of the pack they will listen to you.   They are no human the are animals understand that.  

I know you consider them family as we all do, but for goodness sake realize you need to take controll.   If you want to treat them as a family member, then realize that you have to raise them as a newborn from then on and do not feel like you are hurting their feelings.

If you are letting a dog taking control of your life their is something seriously wrong with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      YOU need to take control and not let your kids or yourself be in danger not matter how big or SMALL the dog is.

It's a dog for crying out loud, if it's being mean and out of control you need to control it and learn for yourself you are not hurting it by making it obey you!!!!!!!!!!!!     Get a grip people, you are suppose to keep the beast under control.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

A recipe: Imagine that.

Oh folks I don't normally share a recipe that I've made up, but it turned out really good, so I thought I would share.

I had a pork steak that I wanted something different with so I coated it with potato chips.    I dipped it in an egg and milk mixture then coated it with wise potato chips, bake it at 350 for about and hour.   I could not believe how tender it was and how good it tasted.

I had some french fries with it however pick your own side dishes.   I am still astonished as to how tender it was and how good it tasted.   Just thought I'd share.  

OOO so good (well at least I thought so).

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thoughts for tonight

Well I was just wondering:  If you live alone and died tonight how long would it be till someone found you dead.   I'm just guessing here but it may be 1-7 days for someone to check on me and find my body, or it maybe longer.  I really don't know.

The fact of the matter is, I moved to FL to take care of my mother on a full time basis, which I was very much glad to do.  I really enjoyed my time with her and I miss her greatly.   I'm living in her house and trying to make it my own and I am doing pretty at the progress of this, however it will take time, but sitting here tonight the thought above came into mind.  For what reason I do not know.   However my question is to all of you that live alone;  "If you died tonight how long would it be till someone found out about it."   Like I said above it might be 1-7 days, if I was still in the burgh it might be longer, I really don't know.

I'm not a person that keeps in touch with anyone, why I don't know.  I try to occasionally keep in touch with family.  I called my Mom at least once a month, sometimes more, but now she's gone, so I cannot call her anymore.   My siblings, well maybe once a year or so.  Too bad for me.  

The one I was most in touch with was the one that called me the most because she always wanted to keep in touch.    I must say I have called my siblings however sometimes it has been to no avail, other times not.   Oh well that's neither here nor there.

It is now and I need to learn how to keep in touch.    How about you???  Do you need to keep in touch or get reacquainted with family members???

I have always kept in touch with my son and my mother.  I have occassionally tried to contact my siblings (I have 5 siblings) however since we don't live in the state (or didn't at the time and their phone # changed frequently it was difficult) I couldn't always keep in touch.

I must say always keeping in contact with Mom I knew what was going on with my siblings and their kids.  That was a blessing to me.    Now I'm wondering, alot of wondering going on here.

Mom is gone so I can no longer get updates and I wonder did everyone else get updates from her?!    Who wll take her place to give updates: and did they only listen because it was her that gave them, did they care, did they pray.    I don't know.

One thing I do know is that someone has to keep up with everyone, however also I do know that what ever is said to anyone cannot be repeated to anyone else in the family, for they are relying on the person they told it to, they said it in confindence.

However it is my feeling if it's told in confidence and it's a problem: prayer is needed so it can be shared without exposing the person or the problem because God knows.

Well as I said isn't it sad that no one know???  Does any one care.    Just thoughts for tonight!!!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Here am I with my thoughts

I'm cold, tired and done. Oh also confused. Well maybe I should'nt be. I'm just feeling a bit out of it right now and undirectional. If that makes any sense to anybody. Also a bit overwhelmed right now. Oh well I know I'll get over it. Any suggestions would be great!!!

I'm tired and don't know what to do.  My faith seems to be failing me, and I often wonder where is God.  I will never quit believing for what else do I have.  Nothing!

However I just can't help but wonder is He there and does He care.  I know deep within He does care, but why oh why do I feel like I've been deserted.   Maybe it's because I've desereted Him or maybe I just got placid.  I do not know.

The only thing I know right now is I'm feeling a bit lost and confused and just a little bit lonely.       I'm just trying to figure the whole thing out (what ever that may be)

What am I suppose to be doing, what is my direction, what is my life's purpose.   I do not know right now and that frustrates me.   I'm sure God will let me know.   In the meantime: oh I don't even know.

I have bills that need paid, obilgations to me meant and so on and so on.   OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Life can be so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Well all I can do now is just keep plugging along and do my best and try to figure out what it is that I'm suppose to do with my life.   Pray to God everyday and wait for the answer.

I know sometimes He gives an answer thru other people so if you have a comment or suggestion that would be awsome.

Thanks for reading.
Julia

Friday, September 23, 2011

Just some thoughts

Well right now I'm just trying to understand my siblings here.   I hear different things from different people (siplings).  They say that they would tell the other what they have told me, but I don't think they do.  The reason for that is because of other things I hear from them.

Ok then this is confusing as all heck.   I have to come to my own conclusions.   I have somewhat of a conclusion as to how they think of each other and it seems to me that they don't really like each other.   I'm sure it's for reasons of their own.

I have also realize that each of them thinks the other is self centered.   Aren't we all just a little bit.  Or at least we have got to look out for ourselves and rely on God to take care of us.

With all that being said, look to God and rely on Him and forget about the rest.   Just remember this: "Your siblings love you they just really don't know and they are trying to learn."   This goes for friends also.

Well I'm just going to end this for now and write more at a later time, my brain is not working properly right now.



Thanks for visiting.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Life goes on.

June 22
To Dad
Hello again folks,

Obviously I'm in the mood for writing today.   Well this is something that I wrote over 10 yrs ago when my daddy died.  Unfortunately I couldn't find the final version, I know it's here somewhere.  With that being said I hope you enjoy the poem that I wrote.     Well here we go, and as always comment are greatly appreciated.
 My Poem for Daddy,    (Life goes on)
 Sitting here feeling the cold autumn wind blow through my hair. it sends a chill down my spine as I look over the lake and listen to the quiet around me.  The setting sun, intense rays, reflect boldly off the water’s surface.  It is blinding but the warmth is soothing.
 The lake is full of Mallards and an occasional seagull flies by.  I sit quietly and listen as I gaze upon the trees that surround the lake with their brilliant colors of autumn.   Scarlett, burning orange, glowing yellow, while shades of amber, copper & pale orange peek through.  The dark forest green of the fir trees give a soft touch to the brilliance that surrounds them.
 I gaze at the beauty that surrounds me with all its brilliance and know that in just a short while it will all be gone.  Soon the trees will be bare and the gray appearance of death will take over except for the few evergreens that stand by and weep for their loss.
 I sit and listen; I can hear the trees weep.  They thought the others would always be with them, but the time had come for the older trees to depart.
 The evergreens watched in wonder as the others started to change from their luscious green to the brilliant colors of yellow, red, orange, shades of amber, gold and a hint of gray.  Never knowing what it meant, nor understanding, for they were always green.  This was new to them.
 Then another change began to take place, this change frightened the evergreens for among their own kind when the leaves turned brown and started to tall it meant certain death.  Death and sorrow now surrounded them.  This was something that few had ever seen.  They were at a loss as to what to do, how could they help, how could they stop it.  There was nothing that could be done and they bowed their heads in sorrow.
 All the trees were now bare and the color of grey ash, they had gone to sleep for the winter.  The evergreens did not know and they wept.  They wept tears of sorrow and of joy.  Sad they lost their fellow trees and for the love of the new ones. And that they were no longer suffering the pains of winter.  For they realized that in dying there is new life: a life full of wonder and great expectations.  Life just waiting to be lived and enjoyed no matter what happens.  ©
 Enjoy your day and live life to the fullest as we all should or at least strive to.

Whose your hero.

 I just wanted to share this with you.  It's something I wrote awhile ago regarding my Mom.
 My hero is my mother; she has always been an inspiration to me. She was the one person in the neighborhood that was willing to give the shirt off her back to help someone. She never turned anyone away that was in need. She was always there for whoever needed her. I wish I was more like her!
 I remember one time our house caught on fire (I was very young at the time).  How scary is that!  Well to make a long story short, the fire was put out and we were not displaced.   However none of our neighbors came to help.  It was a cold wintry night and we (my sisters and brothers)  were sitting in a car with no heat and blankets wrapped around us.   I could see the neighbors peaking out their windows wanting to know what was going on.   Did any of them help or bring us in out of the cold???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     NO they did not!!!!!!!   
 Imagine that!.
 The one that would've helped could not as her house was also in danger of exploding for it was a gas leak and her house was up close to ours, she did however make sure we (the kids) had enough blankets to keep us warm.  I noticed that she glanced up at the neighbors peering out their windows in discuss.
 Moving forward
 Well, just a block over from us there was another fire!!!!!!     HHHHMMMMM!   Do ya think anyone went over??????????
WELL GUESS what!! My MOM did!!!!  She walked down to see what she could do to help.    She offered coffee, hot chocolate, tea, to the firefighters (who said weren't we just at your place?) and offered a place to stay for the folks whose place was on fire.
Yes the firefighters were just at our place and yes they were amazed that my mother was there to help, because no one, absolutely no one was there to help mom or her family.
 Regardless of that my mother was there to give assistance anyway she could, no matter what.  She didn't care that no one came to help her and her family, she didn't hold a grudge nor did she judge. 
  Mom always did what was right, honest, truthful and everything else good.  No questions asked, she did what needed to be done and was always there if anyone, I REPEAT anyone needed her.  It didn't matter to her if they were friend or foe, if you needed help, she was always there!!!!!!!!!!!
I really don't know how she did it, but she did.  She was always there for family, friends and foes.
IMAGINE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I want to be that person, who has no discriminations, what so ever! And loves no matter what!
 I love you MOM!!!!!!!!!!!     You are the sunshine, rainbow and strength of my life.   Thank you for everything
 I hope you enjoyed reading this true life event. ©   All items posted are copy write so you may not use them without permission.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Imagine That

July 28
Well imagine that I have a lot to tell tonight, I'm just not sure which story I should tell first.   Hmm imagine that as my youngest bother would say.  Well with that being said I guess I'll start with that. 
 My brother and I had a long conversation about family and what that means to us.  We are 14 yrs apart but we have found over the yrs that we do have very much in common.  And we also have found that some of our siblings are: well what do I say here: not so forgiving, no willing to let go, or just snobbish and think they are better than the rest of us.
 HMMMM!!!!!   Imagine that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Just so you know I come from a family of six children.  Well trying not to go into a long history some of us made it some did not the some that did are starting over, the ones that were looked up to are no longer and the ones frowned upon are not no longer: but then again: who knows????
 Oh well what we discovered in this conversation together was that you cannot ever, ever hold a grudge! It will tear you apart: I know that from personal experience, from many years ago.  I will not go into that but I will let you know if you are holding a grudge against anyone you are only hurting yourself not the person you're holding the grudge against for they do not know nor do they care!!!
 This is important: the reason I say this is that I've been there and have done that.   They do not know so they do not care, I found this out by meeting the person that I had a grudge against several years after the fact, (of the thing that caused me to have a grudges against this person) that’s when I realized she didn't have a clue that I really didn't like her or that I had a grudge against her.
 I found at that time when I saw her after so many years, that she didn't have a clue as to how I felt and she was happy to see me.  I came to realize that the wrong that she had done me (or so I thought) was not that big a deal.   Yes, maybe at the time it was a big deal, however at the time I really didn't look at her side of the story.
 Well all I have to say right now is that we need to learn to forgive people their short comings, and we need to learn how to love one another, NO MATTER WHAT!   
 I know this is hard, I know it's difficult, I also know it seems impossible:  I know I've   been there, it is hard, difficult, and almost impossible: I also know it can be done.
 Don't ever, ever give up you can do it, you can forgive, you can move on, you can have a relationship with that sibling that you never thought was possible.   It can happen.
 I just found a new relationship with my youngest brother (14 yrs apart we are) who I never thought I'd ever, ever, ever, get to know!   IMAGINE THAT!!!!!    We have found common ground and we're getting to know each other.  WHAT A WONDERFUL THING!!!!!
 So don't ever, ever, ever give up on what you think is impossible, because it is not impossible, nothing is impossible!!!!  It's just the beginning of a new day and new possibilities!!!  DON'T EVER, EVER forget that.
 Till next time, love, peace, joy and all happiness to everyone that reads this.Open-mouthedRainbow
There is light at the end of the rainbow.
 Thanks for stopping by and thanks for readingSmile
Till next time, enjoy life and all it has to giveRed heartOpen-mouthed

Monday, January 31, 2011

That will never happen to me.

We all think, "Oh that will never happen to me."  We go about our daily lives working at our job, hanging out with family and friends, daily chores.  You know the routine.  Then it happens you loose your job, no or very little income,  your life is turned upside down.  You can no longer pay your rent or mortgage, fall behind on your utlility bills, and other bills, food pantry is almost empty.   Starting to wonder where your next meal is coming from, are you going to lose your home.

I'm one of those that thought it would never happen to me.  I had a nice secure job, that I retired from, then went to work for another company, lost that job and the part-time job I found lost that one also.  Funds ran out didn't qualify for un-employment and couldn't find work.  I fell behind on my rent not to mention everything else I owe money to.   I resorted to selling stuff I owned at a much lower price than I wanted to just to get food for at least one meal a day.

Never ever thought in my life that I would be in a position where I would have to asked for help.  Wasn't able to get financial ad from anyone and the agencies I called either never returned my calls or said they couldn't help.   There are so many people out there in the same situation that I'm in.

I was evicted from my apartment,  fortunately my sister was able to take me and and assist me with a storage unit so that I wouldn't loose everything.  Yes I did have to get rid of a lot of stuff because there wasn't room for it all, but that doesn't matter, I could be out on the streets. 

It is very unsetteling to lose, your home and other things, it also hurts.  I had to put my cat up for adoption at a no kill shelter, that also was painful, I didn't want to abandond her by just leaving and not finding her a warm place to stay.

As hard as it was to loose my home and many possesion, I've decided not to be bitter about it.  It's a new beginning a new chapter in my life.   It's not the first time I've had to start over, life is full of beginnings.   One door closes and another will open.

The way I figure it, God has a better plan for me than I had for myself.  Since I'm with my sister, (just got here last night) and a totally new area that I'm not familiar with, it's all a new experience for me and a new beginning.   I'm figuring that I needed to move out of the area I was in and someplace completeing different to get that new start that I've been looking for.  I would have prefered some other way for that to happen, but obviously if it was up to me, that move would never happen.

I'm looking forward to my new life and I'm sure within a few weeks I will have my own place again.  God works in our lifes in ways we never expect.  I think he brings certain things in our lifes so that we learn to trust in Him  and Him alone.   We can be so stubborn that sometimes it takes loosing our home or something for Him to get our attention.    Isn't it amazing that it takes a tragidy sometimes for us to give any thought to God.   Hmm Imagine that.

Thanks for stopping by.